the freedom found in forgiveness

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

Forgiveness. It can be an incredible burden to bear. Words. Actions. Hurt. Disappointment. Suffering. Desiring Justice. Anger. Strife. Heartache.

Forgiveness. It can also bring an overwhelming freedom. Putting it down. Letting it go. Leaving it in God's hands. Release. Eyes opening. Fear gone. Heart warming. Peace. Joy.

I have carried the burden and hurt of not forgiving for over 18 years. How stupid is that? Was I mad at him? Was I mad at my family? Was I mad at my friends? I had allowed the pain to fester and build scabs around my heart. I introduced a cancer into my life that I never thought could be cured.

I understand now that I was angry, hurt and upset at no one else but myself. For years I have told myself that God has forgiven me. Even then, it took a while for me to really believe it. I do believe it, without a doubt. But somewhere in all that - I had failed to forgive myself. I've said words about myself that have been hurtful. I have ignored aspects of my life, because it is so much easier to avoid confrontation. Even when it is yourself that you don't want to forgive.

I now live as a free woman! Praise God! Hallelujah! Let the angels rejoice! I know that when my Father looks at me, He only sees a beautiful creation - forgiven by the blood of Crhist.

What a beautiful experience I had on Sunday as we took communion. For the first time in a long time I didn't stand before my God with my head downcast, like a little child waiting for punishment. But, I stood as a free woman - redeemed, ransomed and rejoicing before my Savior. I had to fight to approach the table with a soberness because all I wanted to do was smile and dance before the Lord and truly celebrate.

And none of this is my doing. I am simply trying to live in light of His Word - "forgive just as in Christ forgave you" - and it begins with myself. Praise God to whom all blessings flow!