It has been a really long time since I last blogged. I figure that now is as good as time as any to get back to regular posting.
A few highlights from the past 16 months:
* trip #1 to Russia in July - incredible!
* dad in the hospital in December with a long recovery - he's doing better now
trip to Nashville for a great visit with a friend and attend a Children's Ministry conference
* Sabbatical - 7 weeks of research, rest and renewal that included a Carribean Cruise; being sick; tour of Texas to visit friends Denton, Dallas, Corpus Christi and Round Rock; days of silence at a monestary in Boerne; visits with some wonderful Children's Ministers who shared and encouraged - this was a wonderful gift from my church for serving 7 years!
* changes in my job - still making those adjustments
* trip #2 to Russia in June - unbelievable!
New things are on the horizon for me next week which will involve some focused time, lots of energy and thought. My mantra will be "day by day" and we'll see what happens in 12 weeks.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
dreams
I woke up at 6am this morning because my alarm went off. Usually, I turn it off and go back to sleep for another hour (and a second alarm). When I woke up, I was in the middle of a very vivid dream. The kind you remember. It wasn't a night mare - just one that I didn't care to be in at the moment. So, when I woke up I didn't go back to sleep. I prayed for the people who were in my dream and then sat there wondering, 'why do we dream?' and all kinds of related thoughts. I'd love to hear your ideas:
Why do you think we dream?
Why are people from our past in our dreams?
Why do you think we dream?
Why are people from our past in our dreams?
that one day
Saturday was the big day - graduation. It is a day that (I thought) had been 10 years in the making. However, it was the speaker at graduation that reminded of an even greater day in my past - that made this one possible. The graduation ceremony had a lot of speeches and talk. Most of it sounded like this to me "blah, blah, blah, blah". I just wanted to hurry up, walk across the stage and get that diploma. But, there was that moment when he said, "this day is possible because there was a day for each of you that when you professed your faith in Christ." Now, up til that point I had held it together pretty good. But, sitting there, in the church I grew up in - well, I completely lost it and the tears come flooding out. You see, the church where the graduation ceremony took place was the same church where I 'walked the aisle' and accepted Christ and where I was baptized in May 1979. It is the same church I 'walked the aisle' and shared with my church that I was called to ministry in 1996. And now, in 2008, it was the church where I was receiving my graduate degree in ministry and saying to the world that I'm serious about this stuff.
My question to you: What was your 'one day' when your life changed forever?
I know, it is just a building. I had sat in those chairs and been on that stage hundreds of time. All I could think about was the faithfulness of so many people - to teach and preach the Word, to pray for me and with, to encourage me and speak truth into my life. All of that led to this moment. And so, as the day ended, I had a piece of paper that said I graduated and I had pictures to prove it. But, mostly I had the dear memories of God's faithful servants who have deeply impacted my life. It is their testimony and example that spurs me to stay faithful to teach the Word, pray for people and speak truth into the lives of others.
My question to you: What was your 'one day' when your life changed forever?
I know, it is just a building. I had sat in those chairs and been on that stage hundreds of time. All I could think about was the faithfulness of so many people - to teach and preach the Word, to pray for me and with, to encourage me and speak truth into my life. All of that led to this moment. And so, as the day ended, I had a piece of paper that said I graduated and I had pictures to prove it. But, mostly I had the dear memories of God's faithful servants who have deeply impacted my life. It is their testimony and example that spurs me to stay faithful to teach the Word, pray for people and speak truth into the lives of others.
Monday, February 11, 2008
the finish line
I can see it....just around the corner / over the horizon / the light at the end of the tunnel / the finish line....whatever you call it May 10 will mark the end of my seminary career. This has been 10 longs years in the making. Yes, I said 10, but it really is more like 5 when you add up all off and on times in between.
I got the official notice that I am "tentatively approved for GRADUATION". Now, all I have to do is read, go to class, research and write papers. It always seems so easy at the beginning and increasingly more difficult at the end of the semester. However, I am determined to finish well. I need discipline to study and self-control to stop wasting time.
Finally. I can't wait for May 10!
I got the official notice that I am "tentatively approved for GRADUATION". Now, all I have to do is read, go to class, research and write papers. It always seems so easy at the beginning and increasingly more difficult at the end of the semester. However, I am determined to finish well. I need discipline to study and self-control to stop wasting time.
Finally. I can't wait for May 10!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
just one hour
I must say that this going to school thing is really putting a cramp in my sleeping. It seems like there is one night, each and every week, that I am staying up way later than I should be (sometimes all night) - all with the desire to get everything read before class and getting all my assignments completed early. I get all hopped up on coffee that I feel like I have a hangover. Or, I end up drinking so much water that I pay for it all the next day. I'm too old for this craziness!
How many times have I wished for one more day to get things done? Well, it may not be a whole day, but this Saturday is Daylight Savings Time when we 'fall back' and actually GAIN AN HOUR!
Wow~~~I am really looking foward to that simple little thing. Guess what I'll be doing??
How many times have I wished for one more day to get things done? Well, it may not be a whole day, but this Saturday is Daylight Savings Time when we 'fall back' and actually GAIN AN HOUR!
Wow~~~I am really looking foward to that simple little thing. Guess what I'll be doing??
Sunday, October 28, 2007
two natures
The thought of it just makes me crazy. There I sat, paralyzed in fear. Needing to come face to face with issues. And I couldn't really say an understandable word - not one. I wasn't sure how to respond and so I didn't do anything. I hated it. It is not who God has created me to be. It certainly is not who He has shown me I can be. I just reverted back to thoughts and attitudes from 7 years ago...15 years years ago. I went to that place that I had run away from several years ago.
I am a NEW CREATION! 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
Why did I forget that? Why was it so easy to fall back into that pattern of thinking. I felt a drastic fight happening between who I used to be and who I am today. The new me wanted to take down the old me and give her a good slap. I've never truly felt like that before. And here's the best part....even though I have been made a new creation (in the past), I get to keep seeing the results of that experience (here and now).
I am a NEW CREATION! 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
Why did I forget that? Why was it so easy to fall back into that pattern of thinking. I felt a drastic fight happening between who I used to be and who I am today. The new me wanted to take down the old me and give her a good slap. I've never truly felt like that before. And here's the best part....even though I have been made a new creation (in the past), I get to keep seeing the results of that experience (here and now).
Celebrating A Servant, An Example For Us All
Last week I arrived a little early to school and to do some long overdue studying. Then, to my surprise and delight a blast from the past walked in the door. Now, you should probably know that the school I attend is now located on the same campus as the church where I spent 25 years of my life - it was there that I started attending when I was 4, accepted Christ at age 9, heard God's call to ministry at age 26, and served on staff from age 26-29. It is a good place of incredibly, faithful and godly men and women - whom I have had the joy and delight to know for many years. I always get a bit nostalgic each week as I walk to class. There has been some remodeling to classrooms, but each time I walk down that hallway a flood of faces come to mind. I have good memories about that place and those people. And that day, I was thrilled when I got to sit and visit with Mr. Guy Cagle - the church's Worship Pastor.
We talked a little about the past. He shared incredible vision for the future. Hopefully, we encouraged one another. In the days after our conversation, I just couldn't get him off my mind. You see, on November 3, that church will honor Guy for 25 years of service. Yes, you heard my correctly --- 25 years at the same church! Wow. Some of us haven't the courage or strength to last 2.5 years in the same ministry/church. So, I decided to write a little (okay, maybe more than a little) blog to my friend and co-laborer in the Gospel....here's to you Brother Guy!
What an incredible thing to celebrate the years, days and moments that you have experienced as part of the body at Park Place Baptist Church. You are an example of stead-fast faith....through all the different situations of life. You have walked your own journey and have never abandoned the 'others' you are called to walk alongside. These days, there is much talk around Christians about 'being real and authentic'. You, sir, are a true embodient of that very attitude. Your ability to simply be who you are gave many of us the permission to simple be who we are. I love that after 25+ years your compassion for people and desire to equip others is as fresh as when you first began. What an encouragement for those us who are still in the early stages of a ministry "career"! You approach relationships with deep sincerity and refreshing silliness at the same time. Thanks for not being so much of one - that you are not the other. Thanks for speaking truth into my life - what a blessing. It has been a joy to know you and your family. I pray that the words spoken and the expressions shown to you on Saturday help you understand how God has worked through you to impact so many lives. Guy Cagle - you are a hero of faith to me!
We talked a little about the past. He shared incredible vision for the future. Hopefully, we encouraged one another. In the days after our conversation, I just couldn't get him off my mind. You see, on November 3, that church will honor Guy for 25 years of service. Yes, you heard my correctly --- 25 years at the same church! Wow. Some of us haven't the courage or strength to last 2.5 years in the same ministry/church. So, I decided to write a little (okay, maybe more than a little) blog to my friend and co-laborer in the Gospel....here's to you Brother Guy!
What an incredible thing to celebrate the years, days and moments that you have experienced as part of the body at Park Place Baptist Church. You are an example of stead-fast faith....through all the different situations of life. You have walked your own journey and have never abandoned the 'others' you are called to walk alongside. These days, there is much talk around Christians about 'being real and authentic'. You, sir, are a true embodient of that very attitude. Your ability to simply be who you are gave many of us the permission to simple be who we are. I love that after 25+ years your compassion for people and desire to equip others is as fresh as when you first began. What an encouragement for those us who are still in the early stages of a ministry "career"! You approach relationships with deep sincerity and refreshing silliness at the same time. Thanks for not being so much of one - that you are not the other. Thanks for speaking truth into my life - what a blessing. It has been a joy to know you and your family. I pray that the words spoken and the expressions shown to you on Saturday help you understand how God has worked through you to impact so many lives. Guy Cagle - you are a hero of faith to me!
Sunday, August 05, 2007
can you say this?
The Song of Solomon sermon series came to an end at church today. But not until another profound question was presented to the women....married and single. So, I feel somewhat obligated to pass it along to you. This question came in the talk about this couple's ENDURING LOVE....how it is PROVIDENTIAL, FOCUS, STRONG, ENDURING AND PERSONAL. Specifically, this is in regards to focus.
Song of Solomon 8:6
"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm..."
She is saying this to her husband. She is saying, "I want to be known as yours - (not in a property sort of way-but more like others know who you are and who I am to you). No one needs to have access to the deepest part of you - because I want to be that person."
Heavy stuff. She wants to be known as his. She wants no one else to be known by him like she is. She wants to go deep with this guy and be vulnerable with him so that he can know the deepest parts of her. No secrets, no guessing, just pure honest vulnerability. Scary. Exciting.
Here's the question for the day:
Married women - Could you honestly say that (place me like a seal over your heart) to your husband today?
Single women - Are you prepared to say that to someone?
All you ladies independent.....well, it seems like that line is not all good. But I am seeing how there can be a huge amount of freedom found in the midst of dependency in a marriage.
Song of Solomon 8:6
"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm..."
She is saying this to her husband. She is saying, "I want to be known as yours - (not in a property sort of way-but more like others know who you are and who I am to you). No one needs to have access to the deepest part of you - because I want to be that person."
Heavy stuff. She wants to be known as his. She wants no one else to be known by him like she is. She wants to go deep with this guy and be vulnerable with him so that he can know the deepest parts of her. No secrets, no guessing, just pure honest vulnerability. Scary. Exciting.
Here's the question for the day:
Married women - Could you honestly say that (place me like a seal over your heart) to your husband today?
Single women - Are you prepared to say that to someone?
All you ladies independent.....well, it seems like that line is not all good. But I am seeing how there can be a huge amount of freedom found in the midst of dependency in a marriage.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
orphan children
James 1:27 "This is pure and undefiled religion in teh sight of our God and Father, to visit orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
Last night the staff of our church and the missions team met with a representative from Buckner Child & Family Services. All I can say is that I am left with a heavy heart. He shared 5 different areas of the world where Buckner is involved with orphanages. We are trying to determine where and how to lead our church to be involved....beyond a single mission trip, more than just giving financially....but investing in the lives of these orphans for a long-term, committed relationship.
I know that God has been preparing me these past few years to be ready for a trip like this. I've been thinking a lot about what life must be like for these children. What emotions they feel the freedom to express? What dreams do they have? Are they even able to be emotionally open to others to receive God's love? Will they see as "those American tourists"? Those questions open a whole other set of concerns for me. Will I be willing to get out of my comfort and do what is best for them? Will what we offer be pleasing to God? Will it seem like we are there simply for the sake of saying, "I've been there and done that." I don't want to go if we're only looking to check it off our list and feel good about what we do. If anything, my prayer is that those who go will come back and be worse for it. That it will mess us up in a serious way. That we will be passionate about what we can do and plead to our Father for intervention. That this will stir some HOLY DISCONTENT in us that is the motivator and driving force behind our lives.
What does it mean when James says "to look after widows and orphans" AND "not be polluted by the world"? Does one come before the other? Does one experience such a change when building relationships and serving widows and orphans that they don't want to be polluted by the world. Or, is it in our desire to not be messed up by the world that we are drawn to minister to orphans and widows?
Whatever our decision about where to go, what to do and when to go....I am there! I continue to pray for discipline with my finances so that money is not a hindrance. I continue to pray for my own emotional healing so that I am able to face whatever situation awaits us. I need self-control and wisdom in choices so that my physical health is not an issue. And I pray that God give me a big vision for what this means for the future. Until then, I wait on the Lord.
Last night the staff of our church and the missions team met with a representative from Buckner Child & Family Services. All I can say is that I am left with a heavy heart. He shared 5 different areas of the world where Buckner is involved with orphanages. We are trying to determine where and how to lead our church to be involved....beyond a single mission trip, more than just giving financially....but investing in the lives of these orphans for a long-term, committed relationship.
I know that God has been preparing me these past few years to be ready for a trip like this. I've been thinking a lot about what life must be like for these children. What emotions they feel the freedom to express? What dreams do they have? Are they even able to be emotionally open to others to receive God's love? Will they see as "those American tourists"? Those questions open a whole other set of concerns for me. Will I be willing to get out of my comfort and do what is best for them? Will what we offer be pleasing to God? Will it seem like we are there simply for the sake of saying, "I've been there and done that." I don't want to go if we're only looking to check it off our list and feel good about what we do. If anything, my prayer is that those who go will come back and be worse for it. That it will mess us up in a serious way. That we will be passionate about what we can do and plead to our Father for intervention. That this will stir some HOLY DISCONTENT in us that is the motivator and driving force behind our lives.
What does it mean when James says "to look after widows and orphans" AND "not be polluted by the world"? Does one come before the other? Does one experience such a change when building relationships and serving widows and orphans that they don't want to be polluted by the world. Or, is it in our desire to not be messed up by the world that we are drawn to minister to orphans and widows?
Whatever our decision about where to go, what to do and when to go....I am there! I continue to pray for discipline with my finances so that money is not a hindrance. I continue to pray for my own emotional healing so that I am able to face whatever situation awaits us. I need self-control and wisdom in choices so that my physical health is not an issue. And I pray that God give me a big vision for what this means for the future. Until then, I wait on the Lord.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
one year
The Song of Solomon sermon series by Neil continues to provide encouragement and hope for a future relationship. I am understanding more and more of the nature of a marriage relationship - the way God intended. The sermon was out "Essentials of Intimacy". One essential being PREPARATION ... to 1) WISE UP (get out of debt, take responsibility for your situation and change it 2) GROW UP (don't act like you're in your 20s forever) and 3) SHAPE UP (your personality, your body, your life)
Here's the question for thought and reflection:
For the single person: IF YOU KNEW FOR A FACT THAT YOU WOULD BE MARRIED IN ONE YEAR, WHAT WOULD YOU DO TO BE PREPARING AND BE READY FOR THAT?
That question left me....well, speechless! I know that he didn't mean it in terms of the wedding, but in terms of personally - what would I be doing today and in the days ahead that would allow me to be vulnerable and honest and willing to be intimate with someone?
I just hadn't thought of it in that way before. I am beginning to realize how the things that have been on my heart and mind for a while now are the very things that God is using to prepare for that day - whether it is one year or whenever. What do you think?
Here's the question for thought and reflection:
For the single person: IF YOU KNEW FOR A FACT THAT YOU WOULD BE MARRIED IN ONE YEAR, WHAT WOULD YOU DO TO BE PREPARING AND BE READY FOR THAT?
That question left me....well, speechless! I know that he didn't mean it in terms of the wedding, but in terms of personally - what would I be doing today and in the days ahead that would allow me to be vulnerable and honest and willing to be intimate with someone?
I just hadn't thought of it in that way before. I am beginning to realize how the things that have been on my heart and mind for a while now are the very things that God is using to prepare for that day - whether it is one year or whenever. What do you think?
Sunday, July 01, 2007
R & R
Rest & Relaxation (also known an "Rain & more Rain"). I look forward to vacation with great anticipation (see previous post). I pack too much. I stress about all the things to do before I can leave on vacation.
And then vacation starts: turn off cell phone, don't check e-mail, sleep, read, play games, eat and laugh, wash/rinse/repeat
In the midst of of the things I love about vacation and some things I don't, I remember that I really like being alone and had that fleeting thought of just packing it up and going back home. But what's a single girl to do in the midst of a big family?
So, here's the things that I really enjoyed about vacation:
* the rain - it seemed to make everything slow down
* the 2nd cabin - and yeah for me being in it
* the food - coffee from Bucee's on the way, drinks at Johnny Carino's & Rudy's BBQ and creamed corn AND all the snacks....yummy!
* the quiet - sitting a tube, floating on the river, listening to the bugs and birds
* seeing my dad get a little excited about floating on the river
* watching Elyssa play in the river
* holding Emily (even in the midst of her ear screeching cries)
* not wanting to and not having to do ______ (fill in the blank with anything) because "it's my vacation and I can do what I want" (what brilliant person said that?)
This was vacation #2 for 2007. I end it by just sleeping and reading and staying at home - talking to as few people as possible. What am I planning for vacation #3? In my dreams...it is a cruise! But, in reality...there's school and a budget that have priority in my life right now. Which means that extravagant spending is the $5 I spent on the movie Saturday. But, I get the strange feeling that some time in the near future (probably around September/October), I'll hit the road in search of some more R&R. I'll take any ideas you have about inexpensive vacations.
And then vacation starts: turn off cell phone, don't check e-mail, sleep, read, play games, eat and laugh, wash/rinse/repeat
In the midst of of the things I love about vacation and some things I don't, I remember that I really like being alone and had that fleeting thought of just packing it up and going back home. But what's a single girl to do in the midst of a big family?
So, here's the things that I really enjoyed about vacation:
* the rain - it seemed to make everything slow down
* the 2nd cabin - and yeah for me being in it
* the food - coffee from Bucee's on the way, drinks at Johnny Carino's & Rudy's BBQ and creamed corn AND all the snacks....yummy!
* the quiet - sitting a tube, floating on the river, listening to the bugs and birds
* seeing my dad get a little excited about floating on the river
* watching Elyssa play in the river
* holding Emily (even in the midst of her ear screeching cries)
* not wanting to and not having to do ______ (fill in the blank with anything) because "it's my vacation and I can do what I want" (what brilliant person said that?)
This was vacation #2 for 2007. I end it by just sleeping and reading and staying at home - talking to as few people as possible. What am I planning for vacation #3? In my dreams...it is a cruise! But, in reality...there's school and a budget that have priority in my life right now. Which means that extravagant spending is the $5 I spent on the movie Saturday. But, I get the strange feeling that some time in the near future (probably around September/October), I'll hit the road in search of some more R&R. I'll take any ideas you have about inexpensive vacations.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
bikini time
I knew I would get your attention - now take a look at this......
Bet you didn't know I could look so good in my bikini! Oh - to be cute AND no bigger than a size 5! Those were the days. Can you believe that I wouldn't get into the water at that time and now you can't keep me out of it!
This is one of my favorite places in the whole wide world - it's called 'THE OTHER PLACE'. You can find me at there this June, floating on the river (or slipping on the dam and hitting my head and spending time at the emergency room - I just wish I could remember the whole story). My whole family (about 20 of us) gathers in a quaint cabin on the banks of the Comal River and we have tons of fun.
I'm really looking forward to it and sharing some of my favorite things about NB with my sweet girl Elyssa - I bet she has a bikini AND looks really cute in it. We'll just have to wait and see.
What are you during for vacation this summer?
Bet you didn't know I could look so good in my bikini! Oh - to be cute AND no bigger than a size 5! Those were the days. Can you believe that I wouldn't get into the water at that time and now you can't keep me out of it!
This is one of my favorite places in the whole wide world - it's called 'THE OTHER PLACE'. You can find me at there this June, floating on the river (or slipping on the dam and hitting my head and spending time at the emergency room - I just wish I could remember the whole story). My whole family (about 20 of us) gathers in a quaint cabin on the banks of the Comal River and we have tons of fun.
I'm really looking forward to it and sharing some of my favorite things about NB with my sweet girl Elyssa - I bet she has a bikini AND looks really cute in it. We'll just have to wait and see.
What are you during for vacation this summer?
its over, for this semester
2 down and 2 to go! Only 2 more courses until I finish my Master's Degree (of course that will take me 2 semesters). But to think that this time next year, I'll be graduating is plenty of incentive to stay the course and finish well.
The return to school this semester has been harsh. It seems like I was never ahead - no matter how much I intended to be or tried to be. It makes me think that I might have to take more drastic measures to get through the next 2 semesters - like a ban on TV. Oh, I'd really have to pray about that one!
I'm looking forward to amore regular schedule for the next 3 months AND getting ahead for Systematic Theology 1.
The return to school this semester has been harsh. It seems like I was never ahead - no matter how much I intended to be or tried to be. It makes me think that I might have to take more drastic measures to get through the next 2 semesters - like a ban on TV. Oh, I'd really have to pray about that one!
I'm looking forward to amore regular schedule for the next 3 months AND getting ahead for Systematic Theology 1.
Friday, April 27, 2007
reunion???
So, I get this email from a friend from high school. Here's the deal - she's getting married and having a casual reception, which says is also a school reunion. Why does this send shivers down my spine? I am a confident woman - but still a little apprehensive to actually attend this wedding (and reunion).
Why is this weird for me? Could it be that I haven't seen most of these people for 20 years? Maybe because I don't think I am anything like the person I was during high school. I am different today - in so many ways. At least, I hope I am different. I don't want who I am now to be overshadowed by who I was or what people thought of me then.
So, in about a month I will come face to face with my past. Am I ready for this? Pray for me. Maybe something totally unexpected will result from this? Stay tuned - I'll let you know.
Why is this weird for me? Could it be that I haven't seen most of these people for 20 years? Maybe because I don't think I am anything like the person I was during high school. I am different today - in so many ways. At least, I hope I am different. I don't want who I am now to be overshadowed by who I was or what people thought of me then.
So, in about a month I will come face to face with my past. Am I ready for this? Pray for me. Maybe something totally unexpected will result from this? Stay tuned - I'll let you know.
Monday, April 23, 2007
my sister
As I had hoped, my sister was all too eager to take a picture on Easter Sunday - probably because she is thinner now. I didn't have the heart to ask if she would hold me (like she did in 1970).
For those who have not had the great opportunity to meet Sharon, she is an incredibly fun person to be around. She always makes me feel welcomed in her home and with her family, has great ways to make me laugh and I enjoy spending time with her. When we were little, it was not always fun and games. I admit, I was the bratty little sister (imagine that!). But, it has been incredible to have a friendship with her like no one else. And for that, I am incredibly thankful.
So, here's to you, Sharon. May I look so good when I'm your age.
I love ya!
Monday, April 16, 2007
A Person is Falling
I received the following email from the mom of one of the kid's in my ministry. "I have to share something with you that my daughter told me today. We were walking through the Grocery Store last night and she busted out in song, “A person is falling, is falling, is falling on me.” I stopped her and said, “What are you saying?” She repeated it and I said, “Why are you saying that?” She said, “That is how the song goes.” I corrected her and explained what it meant. We both got a good laugh out of it! I thought you might too!!!"
We sang "Mercy is falling" in Promiseland on Sunday and do this really great things where we act like we are falling down when we say it. We had a great lesson about salvation and receiving God's mercy and grace. While her comment really made me laugh - I must say, that is kind of true isn't it. HIS MERCY is available to us only through the person of Jesus Christ! Wow. I'm afraid that we say things like that - and sometimes stop to really take it in. His promise of eternal life is only possible because of the work of Christ.
I was reminded yesterday how incredibly awesome God's plan is for us. While I hesitate to 'push' salvation on kids or have them respond to please me or their parents, I was also reminded that we must tell kids what God's mercy and grace are all about and help them hear from God. And then we pray that when He calls them, they will hear Him be ready to receive that gift. May I never cease to be diligent to teach kids about His amazing love! Thank you God for allowing me the privilege of sharing your story with kids and helping them see how to be a part of our story!
We sang "Mercy is falling" in Promiseland on Sunday and do this really great things where we act like we are falling down when we say it. We had a great lesson about salvation and receiving God's mercy and grace. While her comment really made me laugh - I must say, that is kind of true isn't it. HIS MERCY is available to us only through the person of Jesus Christ! Wow. I'm afraid that we say things like that - and sometimes stop to really take it in. His promise of eternal life is only possible because of the work of Christ.
I was reminded yesterday how incredibly awesome God's plan is for us. While I hesitate to 'push' salvation on kids or have them respond to please me or their parents, I was also reminded that we must tell kids what God's mercy and grace are all about and help them hear from God. And then we pray that when He calls them, they will hear Him be ready to receive that gift. May I never cease to be diligent to teach kids about His amazing love! Thank you God for allowing me the privilege of sharing your story with kids and helping them see how to be a part of our story!
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Easter in review
Any girl can tell you that Easter involves new clothes and pictures. So, in honor of all the time my mom spent shopping and getting us all pretty for pictures...I thought I would post a few family photos from my early years. Hope you enjoy!
I think that might have been the last time my "big sister" held me in her arms like that. I'll see if she'll do it again this Easter Sunday.
1970 My FIRST Easter
Easter 1972 (check me out - I'm a real blonde!!)
1973 (notice that even our little puppy "bootsy" made it into the family picture...where are my parents??)
1975 I'm such a little poser!
1979 with my nephew Eric - I'm still not sure why I'm in the picture!
I think that might have been the last time my "big sister" held me in her arms like that. I'll see if she'll do it again this Easter Sunday.
1970 My FIRST Easter
Easter 1972 (check me out - I'm a real blonde!!)
1973 (notice that even our little puppy "bootsy" made it into the family picture...where are my parents??)
1975 I'm such a little poser!
1979 with my nephew Eric - I'm still not sure why I'm in the picture!
Monday, March 26, 2007
relationships
The question: "What are you praying about your future husband?"
The answer: I'm not praying for specifics.
Time for reflection: "Why not?"
Thoughts on the subject: Up to this point in my life I have been basically content with my singleness. I have never wanted to be a whiny single girl just waiting around for a man. There is too much living to do! And I truly believe there is much to be done while I am single. But, there seems to be something happening. Could it be that He's preparing me? I don't think I'm ready - but I've always prayed that I would depend more upon God than any other person. Maybe it is the fact that there are some great people in my life who really make marriage appealing and God honoring.
Conclusion: I should be praying specifically about the man God has planned for me and I should be praying that I am willing to do something it. A little scary but mostly exciting to think that God has great plans for me!
The answer: I'm not praying for specifics.
Time for reflection: "Why not?"
Thoughts on the subject: Up to this point in my life I have been basically content with my singleness. I have never wanted to be a whiny single girl just waiting around for a man. There is too much living to do! And I truly believe there is much to be done while I am single. But, there seems to be something happening. Could it be that He's preparing me? I don't think I'm ready - but I've always prayed that I would depend more upon God than any other person. Maybe it is the fact that there are some great people in my life who really make marriage appealing and God honoring.
Conclusion: I should be praying specifically about the man God has planned for me and I should be praying that I am willing to do something it. A little scary but mostly exciting to think that God has great plans for me!
Saturday, February 10, 2007
my new fave phrase
"Now gird up your loins like a man, And I will ask you, and you instruct Me!" Job 38:3 (NASB) or "Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me." Job 38:3 (NIV) Get ready to take this like a man - because I'm going to say some things and you're going to listen and then give me a response (my version). In other words....MAN UP!
Pretty strong words. This is actually God talking to Job. But I'm taking it to heart in 2 ways: 1) He has the right and privilege in my life to ask me anything and nail me to the wall. 2) I am discovering a source of strength and comfort in God's Words.
Recently, I've felt challenged and greatly compelled to approach someone in the same manner and ask them, "What are you thinking?" Is it my place? I don't know, but I know what will happen to me if I don't say something soon. So, I want to make sure I'm speaking - not of my own opinion, but one that is based on God's Word. I just want to do it the same way - ask questions in a bold and courageous way!
Pretty strong words. This is actually God talking to Job. But I'm taking it to heart in 2 ways: 1) He has the right and privilege in my life to ask me anything and nail me to the wall. 2) I am discovering a source of strength and comfort in God's Words.
Recently, I've felt challenged and greatly compelled to approach someone in the same manner and ask them, "What are you thinking?" Is it my place? I don't know, but I know what will happen to me if I don't say something soon. So, I want to make sure I'm speaking - not of my own opinion, but one that is based on God's Word. I just want to do it the same way - ask questions in a bold and courageous way!
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
gotta love parties
I sure do love parties! Who doesn't? Tonight I was given a SURPRISE PARTY and there is nothing like celebrating with about 40 of your favorite little friends. Flowers, a big card and a cake with sparkling candles. Why is it that cake and icing make you feel like a kid? And that song....it doesn't matter how many times I heard it tonight - it was fun every time. And for some reason there is magic in blowing out the candles. Yeah for parties. Thanks to all my kids for being a part of the fun - may I always be able to celebrate surrounded by such love.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
reflections on 37
it seems that numbers can be significant in our culture….24……1vs100….studio 60….so here’s my thoughts on a pretty incredible number:
1. Face it, 37 isn’t bad. I’ve heard that in Chinese culture I’d be 38.
2. When I was 36 I went to the doctor TOO MANY TIMES. This year, less doctor’s visits and bills.
3. Life change – no one is going to do it for me.
4. I made it one month….no coke, no dr pepper, no pepsi.
5. Can I take off 60 in the next 8 months? That’s about 7.5 per month.
6. Just think, I’m halfway to retirement age….yeah Social Security. When I’m 74, will I be able to live on $3 a day??
7. If I knew then what I know now…oh, what trouble I would have missed.
8. I am a product of the 80s…footloose and flashdance and mtv (that was when they actually played music videos…the cheesier the better)
9. Speaking of cheese, was it just me or has Prince not aged in what 20 years?
10. Did someone mention cheese? I love stinky cheese. But at 37 I can’t enjoy it as much as I would really like.
11. When I was 17 I loved to sleep in and stay in my pj’s. Now I’m 37 and still enjoy sleeping in and staying in my pj’s. That is a beautiful day for me.
12. What happened, it was just like yesterday that I turned 30!
13. I’m old enough now to know better.
14. But I’m still young enough not to care so much.
15. I feel the freedom to change my hair color whenever I feel like it.
16. Psalm 37 (specifically verses 3-7a)
17. I absolutely love the friends God has given me for this time of my life.
18. The Cheesecake Factory…thanks Mom & Dad.
19. Kemah Crabhouse….thanks Sis.
20. 6 years ago today I made a major life change – move back to Houston with no job. Oh, that was a scary time.
21. And, I really love my job – or maybe its just growing on me…I can’t decide.
22. And, I now get 3 weeks vacation. What ever will I do? Where will I go? (probably stay home and use it to study and write a paper next semester)
23. I am definitely more courageous.
24. I am loving coffee….all kinds, all ways (even CDL/SF/NF/NW – try it, you might like it)
25. I love chocolate…the darker the better. (And it is really good with coffee). It is not called food of the gods for no reason.
26. This year, I returned to graduate school (the 3rd time in 10 years) and I WILL finish in May 2008.
27. I have a growing love and desire for God’s Word.
28. I love how He has chosen to talk with me lately.
29. I now find myself saying things that my mom says. Ugh….I must break the cycle!
30. I really love to cook and am determined to do that more this year.
31. Listen more. Think. Talk less. (“Talk less” does NOT apply when I am at the movies. Right Ashlee?)
32. I’m one year closer to 40! Some think that is a bad thing – I’m actually looking forward to it.
33. I LOVE TO laugh…deep and from the gut! I’m glad I have friends who make me laugh.
34. I am better today than I was yesterday. Heck, I’m way better today than I was 17 years ago!
35. There is never a bad day to eat cake.
36. “It is not too late.” What does that mean? I can’t wait to find out.
37. three + seven=ten…10!!!! Do I need to say anything else?
Yeah for THIRTY-SEVEN.
1. Face it, 37 isn’t bad. I’ve heard that in Chinese culture I’d be 38.
2. When I was 36 I went to the doctor TOO MANY TIMES. This year, less doctor’s visits and bills.
3. Life change – no one is going to do it for me.
4. I made it one month….no coke, no dr pepper, no pepsi.
5. Can I take off 60 in the next 8 months? That’s about 7.5 per month.
6. Just think, I’m halfway to retirement age….yeah Social Security. When I’m 74, will I be able to live on $3 a day??
7. If I knew then what I know now…oh, what trouble I would have missed.
8. I am a product of the 80s…footloose and flashdance and mtv (that was when they actually played music videos…the cheesier the better)
9. Speaking of cheese, was it just me or has Prince not aged in what 20 years?
10. Did someone mention cheese? I love stinky cheese. But at 37 I can’t enjoy it as much as I would really like.
11. When I was 17 I loved to sleep in and stay in my pj’s. Now I’m 37 and still enjoy sleeping in and staying in my pj’s. That is a beautiful day for me.
12. What happened, it was just like yesterday that I turned 30!
13. I’m old enough now to know better.
14. But I’m still young enough not to care so much.
15. I feel the freedom to change my hair color whenever I feel like it.
16. Psalm 37 (specifically verses 3-7a)
17. I absolutely love the friends God has given me for this time of my life.
18. The Cheesecake Factory…thanks Mom & Dad.
19. Kemah Crabhouse….thanks Sis.
20. 6 years ago today I made a major life change – move back to Houston with no job. Oh, that was a scary time.
21. And, I really love my job – or maybe its just growing on me…I can’t decide.
22. And, I now get 3 weeks vacation. What ever will I do? Where will I go? (probably stay home and use it to study and write a paper next semester)
23. I am definitely more courageous.
24. I am loving coffee….all kinds, all ways (even CDL/SF/NF/NW – try it, you might like it)
25. I love chocolate…the darker the better. (And it is really good with coffee). It is not called food of the gods for no reason.
26. This year, I returned to graduate school (the 3rd time in 10 years) and I WILL finish in May 2008.
27. I have a growing love and desire for God’s Word.
28. I love how He has chosen to talk with me lately.
29. I now find myself saying things that my mom says. Ugh….I must break the cycle!
30. I really love to cook and am determined to do that more this year.
31. Listen more. Think. Talk less. (“Talk less” does NOT apply when I am at the movies. Right Ashlee?)
32. I’m one year closer to 40! Some think that is a bad thing – I’m actually looking forward to it.
33. I LOVE TO laugh…deep and from the gut! I’m glad I have friends who make me laugh.
34. I am better today than I was yesterday. Heck, I’m way better today than I was 17 years ago!
35. There is never a bad day to eat cake.
36. “It is not too late.” What does that mean? I can’t wait to find out.
37. three + seven=ten…10!!!! Do I need to say anything else?
Yeah for THIRTY-SEVEN.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
words
Today I experienced something - a new thing. Some would say a prophetic word was spoken over me. Now, there are people in my life whom I believe to have the gift of prophecy. And they have spoken words to me before, which I believe to have come from God and I received. But they know me personally. But today, someone whom I don't know personally and I don't believe had any knowledge of me said some very interesting things that leave me with only one option - his words come directly from God. Now, he admitted that he doesn't know if they relate to my past, present or future - he is only being obedient to say them. He started by saying, "I hear something, but I'm not really sure how to say it." I asked him to speak honestly. He also seemed concerned about time - (I was concerned about not being able to leave in time to make it to class) to which I responded, "take all the time you need." So, here's what he said....or something like it:
"Many people hear laughter from you. It is good. You are good to be around. People see your laughter. But God hears your weeping in the quiet place, he sees your tears. He takes your tears and gathers them together, they are beautiful to Him. He wants you to know that the time has not passed, it is not too late. It will happen in God's time. You are good to be around. Remember that with God nothing is impossible. You are better today than you were yesterday. Satan has told you lies, do not believe them. Go home today and look in the mirror and say, "I love you" and believe it. It is like God is turning the knobs one by one.....click, click, click, click. Until He gets to the lock and breaks it open and then you will be released. Satan will be upset because you will be released for the Kingdom. God wants you to know that He will always be with you."
Some of the words were confirmation to me for what I have been experiencing recently and what God is showing me about Himself and about myself. Some are the exact same words spoken by dear friends recently. Some of the words were haunting - that this man could speak so clearly and specifically about me and my life. Some words were hopeful, reminding me of God's character and nature.
Thank you God for an obedient servant who speaks from your heart without consideration or bias on his or my part. May I receive Your words that were spoken through Norman. I pray to know your full blessing as these words come alive in my life. I am excited about what God is doing and anxious to see how it unfolds. I will let you know as things develop.
"Many people hear laughter from you. It is good. You are good to be around. People see your laughter. But God hears your weeping in the quiet place, he sees your tears. He takes your tears and gathers them together, they are beautiful to Him. He wants you to know that the time has not passed, it is not too late. It will happen in God's time. You are good to be around. Remember that with God nothing is impossible. You are better today than you were yesterday. Satan has told you lies, do not believe them. Go home today and look in the mirror and say, "I love you" and believe it. It is like God is turning the knobs one by one.....click, click, click, click. Until He gets to the lock and breaks it open and then you will be released. Satan will be upset because you will be released for the Kingdom. God wants you to know that He will always be with you."
Some of the words were confirmation to me for what I have been experiencing recently and what God is showing me about Himself and about myself. Some are the exact same words spoken by dear friends recently. Some of the words were haunting - that this man could speak so clearly and specifically about me and my life. Some words were hopeful, reminding me of God's character and nature.
Thank you God for an obedient servant who speaks from your heart without consideration or bias on his or my part. May I receive Your words that were spoken through Norman. I pray to know your full blessing as these words come alive in my life. I am excited about what God is doing and anxious to see how it unfolds. I will let you know as things develop.
Monday, January 29, 2007
the freedom found in forgiveness
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32
Forgiveness. It can be an incredible burden to bear. Words. Actions. Hurt. Disappointment. Suffering. Desiring Justice. Anger. Strife. Heartache.
Forgiveness. It can also bring an overwhelming freedom. Putting it down. Letting it go. Leaving it in God's hands. Release. Eyes opening. Fear gone. Heart warming. Peace. Joy.
I have carried the burden and hurt of not forgiving for over 18 years. How stupid is that? Was I mad at him? Was I mad at my family? Was I mad at my friends? I had allowed the pain to fester and build scabs around my heart. I introduced a cancer into my life that I never thought could be cured.
I understand now that I was angry, hurt and upset at no one else but myself. For years I have told myself that God has forgiven me. Even then, it took a while for me to really believe it. I do believe it, without a doubt. But somewhere in all that - I had failed to forgive myself. I've said words about myself that have been hurtful. I have ignored aspects of my life, because it is so much easier to avoid confrontation. Even when it is yourself that you don't want to forgive.
I now live as a free woman! Praise God! Hallelujah! Let the angels rejoice! I know that when my Father looks at me, He only sees a beautiful creation - forgiven by the blood of Crhist.
What a beautiful experience I had on Sunday as we took communion. For the first time in a long time I didn't stand before my God with my head downcast, like a little child waiting for punishment. But, I stood as a free woman - redeemed, ransomed and rejoicing before my Savior. I had to fight to approach the table with a soberness because all I wanted to do was smile and dance before the Lord and truly celebrate.
And none of this is my doing. I am simply trying to live in light of His Word - "forgive just as in Christ forgave you" - and it begins with myself. Praise God to whom all blessings flow!
Forgiveness. It can be an incredible burden to bear. Words. Actions. Hurt. Disappointment. Suffering. Desiring Justice. Anger. Strife. Heartache.
Forgiveness. It can also bring an overwhelming freedom. Putting it down. Letting it go. Leaving it in God's hands. Release. Eyes opening. Fear gone. Heart warming. Peace. Joy.
I have carried the burden and hurt of not forgiving for over 18 years. How stupid is that? Was I mad at him? Was I mad at my family? Was I mad at my friends? I had allowed the pain to fester and build scabs around my heart. I introduced a cancer into my life that I never thought could be cured.
I understand now that I was angry, hurt and upset at no one else but myself. For years I have told myself that God has forgiven me. Even then, it took a while for me to really believe it. I do believe it, without a doubt. But somewhere in all that - I had failed to forgive myself. I've said words about myself that have been hurtful. I have ignored aspects of my life, because it is so much easier to avoid confrontation. Even when it is yourself that you don't want to forgive.
I now live as a free woman! Praise God! Hallelujah! Let the angels rejoice! I know that when my Father looks at me, He only sees a beautiful creation - forgiven by the blood of Crhist.
What a beautiful experience I had on Sunday as we took communion. For the first time in a long time I didn't stand before my God with my head downcast, like a little child waiting for punishment. But, I stood as a free woman - redeemed, ransomed and rejoicing before my Savior. I had to fight to approach the table with a soberness because all I wanted to do was smile and dance before the Lord and truly celebrate.
And none of this is my doing. I am simply trying to live in light of His Word - "forgive just as in Christ forgave you" - and it begins with myself. Praise God to whom all blessings flow!
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
friends
Don't you just love them? I've never thought of myself as a person who must be surrounded by a ton of friends. Nor do I think of myself as only having one or two close friends. I think I'm a good friend - guess you'd have to ask some of those people I call 'friend' and see what they say. And once, way back in junior high/high school, I would say that I had a "best friend". I've had very close relationships with people at different times in my life - you know the kind, where you can stop by their house for "just a minute" and then you end staying until the wee hours of the morning...just talking and doing fun stuff together. But, I often think of myself as very independent, not wanting to be needy or impose on anyone else. So, sometimes the idea of 'friendship' is a little scary for me.
But lately, I've noticed that God has brought some incredible people into my life. It's not like I've moved to a new place or started working somewhere different. But I've just began to realize what a blessing each one of them is to me. Here's a few insights:
#1 Recently, I went to the movies on my day off with a friend. It wasn't a long time we spent together. But it was refreshing. We laughed and I thought how much I wished we could do that more often. And I know that another day will come where we'll meet for coffee or lunch or something and talk real fast about all that God is doing in our lives. I look forward to that.
#2 Back in November I had breakfast with a friend I used to work with. We really hadn't talked in over a month. We weren't on a rushed schedule and so it was good to sit and talk about some of the deep things of life. I forget how important it is to engage yourself in conversation that has real meaning and to honestly encourage and challenge one another. I must call them soon!
#3 I've been thinking alot about another friend of mine who moved away last April. Whenever he comes to mind I try to pray for him. I called him and left a quick message, but never heard back from him. More time passed and he was still on my mind, so I dropped a card in the mail to him. I hope that when he got it he remembers all the times we used to sit and just talk and share crazy stories about life. And when his schedule settles down and he does call, I know that it will be like all these days haven't passed and we'll pick up right where we left - without a minute of silence between us.
#4 Another friend of mine pulled me aside the other day and said, "Remember that talk we had a month or so ago. Well, I was thinking about it and I have some questions for you." Now, these were not easy questions for me or for them. But I'm ever so thankful for a friend who cares deeply and won't let things slip by. He causes me to want to be that kind of friend - ever sensitive to the little words and actions of others and what they might be implying about the inner thoughts and attitudes.
#5 And for new friends...there are a few people that I've been able to spend more time with recently. I love the vitality and enthusiasm for life that one of them has. I enjoy being around her and all her ideas. Difficult circumstances drew the other person and I closer together. I could see hanging out with her and getting to know her better. You see, I am learning more about them and it makes me want to share more of myself with them (which I am not usually easily inclined to do). I am beginning to understand know how closed off and comfortable I can be with my little circle of friends, not allowing myself to be open to others. The presence of these 'new friends' in my life has reminded me that I can't do that - because I will be the one to miss the blessing.
I am also learning how to express my gratitude to my friends. Not in gifts or flowers or anything tangible. But to say in words, directly to them, how meaningful they are to me. I'm afraid that I didn't do that with relationships in my past. And I see the importance of that now more than ever before.
What is it that you want to say to your friends?
But lately, I've noticed that God has brought some incredible people into my life. It's not like I've moved to a new place or started working somewhere different. But I've just began to realize what a blessing each one of them is to me. Here's a few insights:
#1 Recently, I went to the movies on my day off with a friend. It wasn't a long time we spent together. But it was refreshing. We laughed and I thought how much I wished we could do that more often. And I know that another day will come where we'll meet for coffee or lunch or something and talk real fast about all that God is doing in our lives. I look forward to that.
#2 Back in November I had breakfast with a friend I used to work with. We really hadn't talked in over a month. We weren't on a rushed schedule and so it was good to sit and talk about some of the deep things of life. I forget how important it is to engage yourself in conversation that has real meaning and to honestly encourage and challenge one another. I must call them soon!
#3 I've been thinking alot about another friend of mine who moved away last April. Whenever he comes to mind I try to pray for him. I called him and left a quick message, but never heard back from him. More time passed and he was still on my mind, so I dropped a card in the mail to him. I hope that when he got it he remembers all the times we used to sit and just talk and share crazy stories about life. And when his schedule settles down and he does call, I know that it will be like all these days haven't passed and we'll pick up right where we left - without a minute of silence between us.
#4 Another friend of mine pulled me aside the other day and said, "Remember that talk we had a month or so ago. Well, I was thinking about it and I have some questions for you." Now, these were not easy questions for me or for them. But I'm ever so thankful for a friend who cares deeply and won't let things slip by. He causes me to want to be that kind of friend - ever sensitive to the little words and actions of others and what they might be implying about the inner thoughts and attitudes.
#5 And for new friends...there are a few people that I've been able to spend more time with recently. I love the vitality and enthusiasm for life that one of them has. I enjoy being around her and all her ideas. Difficult circumstances drew the other person and I closer together. I could see hanging out with her and getting to know her better. You see, I am learning more about them and it makes me want to share more of myself with them (which I am not usually easily inclined to do). I am beginning to understand know how closed off and comfortable I can be with my little circle of friends, not allowing myself to be open to others. The presence of these 'new friends' in my life has reminded me that I can't do that - because I will be the one to miss the blessing.
I am also learning how to express my gratitude to my friends. Not in gifts or flowers or anything tangible. But to say in words, directly to them, how meaningful they are to me. I'm afraid that I didn't do that with relationships in my past. And I see the importance of that now more than ever before.
What is it that you want to say to your friends?
Thursday, January 04, 2007
a new name
So over the Christmas holidays my mom revealed something about me to the rest of my family. She told everyone that before I was born, she had thought about naming me....are you ready for this?.........
ZANOBIA
I can't believe it. I could have a whole other personality and life based on that name! However, my mom is a simple woman and chose to name me SUSAN. I love my name. But I just find "Zanobia" very interesting.
Just think about it, what if our parents didn't name us and we got to choose our own name? What would we be calling you?
ZANOBIA
I can't believe it. I could have a whole other personality and life based on that name! However, my mom is a simple woman and chose to name me SUSAN. I love my name. But I just find "Zanobia" very interesting.
Just think about it, what if our parents didn't name us and we got to choose our own name? What would we be calling you?
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Thoughts to end the year
This is actually my journal entry I wrote a few days ago. I thought it important to being 2007 with my final thoughts on the past year.
A NEW THEOLOGY OF ‘SUSAN’
12/29/06
What does “A New Theology of Susan” actually mean? First of all the word “theology” implies that I have a way of thinking about myself. I have given meaning to various aspects of my life – physical, social, emotional, spiritual. I have applied definitions – whether true or false – to what it means to be happy, successful, enjoy life, grow up, deal with my past, face reality and a whole basket full of events of my life. Most of the meaning and definition I have applied (and believed) has some, but not all, to do with God and His Word. The other part is a conglomeration of erroneous thoughts and beliefs. Theology is defined as “the study of God and of God’s relation to the world”. Therein lies the problem and brings us to the second point, a discussion of the word “new”. New implies that there has been something old, that is no longer useful or necessary. And it brings to mind a picture of old things being thrown out and replaced with new things. In reality, this means that old thoughts, meanings and the aforementioned ‘theology’ will be overhauled, cleaned up, refined and replaced with newer, better and right thoughts and feelings – based on God’s view of me.
Why now? That is a very long discussion and rightfully so as it has been a long time in discovering. There was a lot of self-examination this past year (2006). It all started when I served on a team at our church. We were faced changing the leadership structure of our church. We had to determine what kind of leaders we felt God desired for our church and how to select them. This led to me being a part of the second phase of the team where we were charged with the task of devising a way to solicit candidates for the role and ministry of elders. We developed a nomination form, a detailed questionnaire and a vast array of questions for a personal interview. All of those required complete honesty from individuals about their past and their current lifestyles, what they believed and how they would handle certain situations. It made me realize that we each need to be more ‘self-aware’ and that some people were fooling themselves, because we were able to see if the kind of person they thought they were is really what others thought about them or how they actually projected themselves. All during that process, I kept asking myself, “What if I had to answer these questions?” The very thought of having to undergo that same scrutiny paralyzed me. Of course, we had always mentioned that the a similar process that elders were going through would be what the staff would go through. So, I realized that I had better be doing some thinking and preparing to be asked very personal and deep questions. Bottom line – I had to come to terms with all kinds of things about myself and my beliefs.
Another turn of events that has drawn me to the point of being involved in a group called “Kitchen Table Counselors”. This is a group of women, who unofficially serve as mentors, listeners and caregivers among the women in our church. We met together monthly for discussion, sharing, accountability and encouragement. We were learning how to be better counselors and caregivers. As part of that process, we have each been asked to share “our story”. We were told that it wouldn’t be easy to get to that point and that it wouldn’t be easy to listen to each other share so honestly. But that the process would allow us to know each other better and to know how we could serve the body better. As several women in our group shared their stories, I was hit in the face with the reality that I would need to share my story. And I knew that they were being incredibly brave to reveal their story with such honest. It obviously wasn’t easy for them. And I know it won’t be easy for me either. But, I begin to wonder…when will be the right time for me to share? It is not important because I was a part of this KTC group, but because I was a part of the Body of Christ. There are things in my life that I have experienced that God can use for His good. But He can’t use me if nobody else ever knows about them or if I never make myself available to be used in that way. So, I once again realized that I needed to know who I was, what I had been through and what God had taught me.
So, during the late fall, my dear friends were gracious to let me share my story with them. Actually, he said to me once, ‘there is a story behind you Susan and I’d love to hear more about it.’ The fact that someone was interested in me – not just what I could do for them, but really wanted to know about me was unthinkable. So, in preparation for being able to share more about who I am with him, I needed to first share and be completely honest with his wife. In the past few years, they have become such precious friends to me. They have opened their home to me, allowed me to participate as part of their family and have walked with me through treacherous times in the recent past. It seems that I developed a friendship with her first, but I have grown closer in relationship with him has we have shared experiences more this past year. I respect them. I look to them as examples of a life devoted to following God. We laugh together and at each other. We observe life and all the funny that comes with it. We face difficult times. They encourage. They advise. That stand beside me. I know that there is not anything that I could not discuss with either of them. They both have a way with drawing things out that are buried deep within and cutting to the deep matters of the heart. I met with Marcie one weekend when Neil was out of town. After our talk it felt like some of the veil was lifted and I could truly begin to live as ‘me’ and not what I thought others wanted me to be. I wanted to share with Neil shortly after that, but the timing was never right. I actually shared my story during a staff retreat. An amazing thing happened. They asked question after question and I knew the time was right. So, I shared my struggles with my four friends and co-laborers. And as they listened, there was no backlash or disgust in what they heard - only loving thoughts, words of wisdom and calls to action. After I shared, they said that they now understood where some of my false thinking about myself originated. They said I should not believe the lies that Satan and the world have told me and I’ve believed. They are challenging me to do something about it and to work at redefining who I am. That means not just talking about it, but truly discovering it in His Word, thinking about it, praying through it, and acting differently because of it.
So, the new theology of Susan begins. It starts with being honest with myself. It will continue if I truly live out what I discover. I know it will take a lot of work and it won’t be easy. I know there are others who love me and will continue to love me, no matter what. I know that my friends and my co-workers will not let this slip by – they will hold me to it. I plan to make changes to how I think and act. It will come one step at a time. I can’t just jump in and change in one moment or one day. So, I plead with you Lord, “Let me know your presence like never before. I want to learn about who I am and who you have made me to be. I want to live differently because of your Spirit at work within me and the hope and freedom you allow me to enjoy because of Christ. Father, I want to know you. May your word be near to me and deep within me. I want to walk in your ways. And all for your glory!” Today it’s time to start a major overhaul.
Question: Have you taken the time and effort to know who you are?
A NEW THEOLOGY OF ‘SUSAN’
12/29/06
What does “A New Theology of Susan” actually mean? First of all the word “theology” implies that I have a way of thinking about myself. I have given meaning to various aspects of my life – physical, social, emotional, spiritual. I have applied definitions – whether true or false – to what it means to be happy, successful, enjoy life, grow up, deal with my past, face reality and a whole basket full of events of my life. Most of the meaning and definition I have applied (and believed) has some, but not all, to do with God and His Word. The other part is a conglomeration of erroneous thoughts and beliefs. Theology is defined as “the study of God and of God’s relation to the world”. Therein lies the problem and brings us to the second point, a discussion of the word “new”. New implies that there has been something old, that is no longer useful or necessary. And it brings to mind a picture of old things being thrown out and replaced with new things. In reality, this means that old thoughts, meanings and the aforementioned ‘theology’ will be overhauled, cleaned up, refined and replaced with newer, better and right thoughts and feelings – based on God’s view of me.
Why now? That is a very long discussion and rightfully so as it has been a long time in discovering. There was a lot of self-examination this past year (2006). It all started when I served on a team at our church. We were faced changing the leadership structure of our church. We had to determine what kind of leaders we felt God desired for our church and how to select them. This led to me being a part of the second phase of the team where we were charged with the task of devising a way to solicit candidates for the role and ministry of elders. We developed a nomination form, a detailed questionnaire and a vast array of questions for a personal interview. All of those required complete honesty from individuals about their past and their current lifestyles, what they believed and how they would handle certain situations. It made me realize that we each need to be more ‘self-aware’ and that some people were fooling themselves, because we were able to see if the kind of person they thought they were is really what others thought about them or how they actually projected themselves. All during that process, I kept asking myself, “What if I had to answer these questions?” The very thought of having to undergo that same scrutiny paralyzed me. Of course, we had always mentioned that the a similar process that elders were going through would be what the staff would go through. So, I realized that I had better be doing some thinking and preparing to be asked very personal and deep questions. Bottom line – I had to come to terms with all kinds of things about myself and my beliefs.
Another turn of events that has drawn me to the point of being involved in a group called “Kitchen Table Counselors”. This is a group of women, who unofficially serve as mentors, listeners and caregivers among the women in our church. We met together monthly for discussion, sharing, accountability and encouragement. We were learning how to be better counselors and caregivers. As part of that process, we have each been asked to share “our story”. We were told that it wouldn’t be easy to get to that point and that it wouldn’t be easy to listen to each other share so honestly. But that the process would allow us to know each other better and to know how we could serve the body better. As several women in our group shared their stories, I was hit in the face with the reality that I would need to share my story. And I knew that they were being incredibly brave to reveal their story with such honest. It obviously wasn’t easy for them. And I know it won’t be easy for me either. But, I begin to wonder…when will be the right time for me to share? It is not important because I was a part of this KTC group, but because I was a part of the Body of Christ. There are things in my life that I have experienced that God can use for His good. But He can’t use me if nobody else ever knows about them or if I never make myself available to be used in that way. So, I once again realized that I needed to know who I was, what I had been through and what God had taught me.
So, during the late fall, my dear friends were gracious to let me share my story with them. Actually, he said to me once, ‘there is a story behind you Susan and I’d love to hear more about it.’ The fact that someone was interested in me – not just what I could do for them, but really wanted to know about me was unthinkable. So, in preparation for being able to share more about who I am with him, I needed to first share and be completely honest with his wife. In the past few years, they have become such precious friends to me. They have opened their home to me, allowed me to participate as part of their family and have walked with me through treacherous times in the recent past. It seems that I developed a friendship with her first, but I have grown closer in relationship with him has we have shared experiences more this past year. I respect them. I look to them as examples of a life devoted to following God. We laugh together and at each other. We observe life and all the funny that comes with it. We face difficult times. They encourage. They advise. That stand beside me. I know that there is not anything that I could not discuss with either of them. They both have a way with drawing things out that are buried deep within and cutting to the deep matters of the heart. I met with Marcie one weekend when Neil was out of town. After our talk it felt like some of the veil was lifted and I could truly begin to live as ‘me’ and not what I thought others wanted me to be. I wanted to share with Neil shortly after that, but the timing was never right. I actually shared my story during a staff retreat. An amazing thing happened. They asked question after question and I knew the time was right. So, I shared my struggles with my four friends and co-laborers. And as they listened, there was no backlash or disgust in what they heard - only loving thoughts, words of wisdom and calls to action. After I shared, they said that they now understood where some of my false thinking about myself originated. They said I should not believe the lies that Satan and the world have told me and I’ve believed. They are challenging me to do something about it and to work at redefining who I am. That means not just talking about it, but truly discovering it in His Word, thinking about it, praying through it, and acting differently because of it.
So, the new theology of Susan begins. It starts with being honest with myself. It will continue if I truly live out what I discover. I know it will take a lot of work and it won’t be easy. I know there are others who love me and will continue to love me, no matter what. I know that my friends and my co-workers will not let this slip by – they will hold me to it. I plan to make changes to how I think and act. It will come one step at a time. I can’t just jump in and change in one moment or one day. So, I plead with you Lord, “Let me know your presence like never before. I want to learn about who I am and who you have made me to be. I want to live differently because of your Spirit at work within me and the hope and freedom you allow me to enjoy because of Christ. Father, I want to know you. May your word be near to me and deep within me. I want to walk in your ways. And all for your glory!” Today it’s time to start a major overhaul.
Question: Have you taken the time and effort to know who you are?
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
what?
After an amazing long absence from the blogging world, I am back. And I'm back like never before. During the past few months, I've traded my blogging time for some serious hand-written journaling time. One night I sensed that God needed to talk with me - or He wanted me to talk with Him. And so, I turned off the computer and got a pen and paper and begin to unload my heart to Him. And it has been an incredible experience!
Here's my Top 10 List of what I've discovered while journaling:
10. Friends are God's incredible gift to us.
9. I keep many things hidden deep within me.
8. There's a lot of things that I think about myself that are simply not true.
7. God has amazing thoughts about me and I have to learn and believe what that is exactly.
6. I need to live differently based on what I learn and know about God.
5. The days ahead (each and every day in 2007) are going to be brutal.
4. I am going to find JOY in each day, the choices I face and the decisions I make.
3. I no longer have to hide behind my "dancing queen" identity.
2. I am Susan - this crazy mixture of sweet, spice, sassy and surprising.
1. I have begun the journey of honesty in my life.
So, I hope to blog more - no need to keep things secret anymore. I know that I will no longer be keeping my thoughts and emotions buried. So, I will be publishing more often and I want to hear what you have to say and engage in some great discussion.
And, I hope to journal more often too. It was simple, earthy and unearthing. I want to be still and listen to God and open up to Him.
Here's to a year like I haven't had in a very long time - honest and real.
Question: What do you sense God is saying to you?
Here's my Top 10 List of what I've discovered while journaling:
10. Friends are God's incredible gift to us.
9. I keep many things hidden deep within me.
8. There's a lot of things that I think about myself that are simply not true.
7. God has amazing thoughts about me and I have to learn and believe what that is exactly.
6. I need to live differently based on what I learn and know about God.
5. The days ahead (each and every day in 2007) are going to be brutal.
4. I am going to find JOY in each day, the choices I face and the decisions I make.
3. I no longer have to hide behind my "dancing queen" identity.
2. I am Susan - this crazy mixture of sweet, spice, sassy and surprising.
1. I have begun the journey of honesty in my life.
So, I hope to blog more - no need to keep things secret anymore. I know that I will no longer be keeping my thoughts and emotions buried. So, I will be publishing more often and I want to hear what you have to say and engage in some great discussion.
And, I hope to journal more often too. It was simple, earthy and unearthing. I want to be still and listen to God and open up to Him.
Here's to a year like I haven't had in a very long time - honest and real.
Question: What do you sense God is saying to you?
Monday, November 13, 2006
stop the music
in the midst of a great song playing, have you ever wanted to shout, "STOP THE MUSIC" and make an announcement. well......it's time for me to do that.
in the midst of life, and work, and friendships and ministry, God has made it clear to me that it is time to 'stop the music'. now, to some that might seem like a bad thing. but take a deep breath and get ready. remember all the 'change' i've been sensing. well, i took several steps to orchestrate that change. okay, not real steps, but i did enough investigating to make an informed decision. i talked with others about how it would impact my life and theirs. and surprisingly - okay, not surprising to God, but surprising to me - He has spoken loud and clear. and in the midst of all of my plans, God said "stop the music" and He reminded me about His plan. he used several people to do that - in unrelated circumstances. and He has given me peace, which i believe only comes from Him.
you see, i thought i had a problem that i needed to fix. and the reality is, i do have a problem and i will be working toward solutions of that issue. however, i had gotten all wrapped up in fixing my problem and in trying to be a team player, that i had forgotten what God had called me to do over 10 years ago. i had become so fixated on the current music and dance, that i have been ignoring the reason He called me out in the first place and the desire He placed on my heart. i don't think i've been disobedient, but i had swerved off the course He laid out for me years ago. in the rush of the dancefloor i had turned a deaf ear to what He wanted for me.
so, after much prayer, putting pencil to paper, crunching numbers, reviewing schedules and trying to figure it all out. it comes back to this. THERE IS PEACE WHEN YOU WALK IN STEP WITH GOD! now isn't that a mind-blowing statement? duh!
after some toying around with the idea for some time now, a few weeks ago i took steps to see if i could return to school. and within a few days of that inquiry, i got the approval. and then, as i looked for affirmation and confirmation from those around me - the support has been there - which speaks to me of a church that wants to honor what God is doing and give me the time to make that investment. today i made the call and enrolled in classes for the spring.
now if you're sitting there reading this and thinking - what a great thing! she's got it made! you can simply put the notion that this is an easy thing right out of your mind. actually, some would think that i'm out of my mind for doing this. but you should know that i don't know how i'm going to pay for it - but God knows. i don't know how i'm going to manage work/ministry and school - but God knows. i can't imagine the crisis and issues that will come up during this time that will fight for my mind, emotion and energy - but God knows. the flip side - i have no idea what i will learn about God through my studies - but God knows. i can't begin to imagine the people i will encounter in class - but God knows. i can't even begin to fathom how having this degree will make a difference - but God knows. you see, i firmly believe that walking in faith doesn't make you stupid because you don't know what is going to happen and you blindly follow and change your life on a whim. walking in faith means that i've given myself over to God and i'm trusting completely, entirely and fully on Him to guide me and sustain me through the next 18 months. life will be different - it must. there will be sacrifices in time, money and sleep - it must happen.
my prayer is this - that i won't take this opportunity for granted. i want to draw closer to my Lord and Savior, not just have greater knowledge of Him. i don't want to waste time - like i've done in the past. i don't want to take people for granted - i want to be in relationship with others who share a heart for God's kingdom.
how am i feeling now that i've gotten your attention (the question is really, how am i feeling now that God has gotten MY attention). well, i'm a little scared, a little excited and a little anxious. but overall - there is peace and that is not just a feeling. that is a reality.
will i be a little crazy in the future? yes. will i have some incredible things to share? yes. will i be challenged to move out of my comfort zone? yes. do i have any idea what is about to happen? no.
okay, now back to the music and dancing for the Lord!
in the midst of life, and work, and friendships and ministry, God has made it clear to me that it is time to 'stop the music'. now, to some that might seem like a bad thing. but take a deep breath and get ready. remember all the 'change' i've been sensing. well, i took several steps to orchestrate that change. okay, not real steps, but i did enough investigating to make an informed decision. i talked with others about how it would impact my life and theirs. and surprisingly - okay, not surprising to God, but surprising to me - He has spoken loud and clear. and in the midst of all of my plans, God said "stop the music" and He reminded me about His plan. he used several people to do that - in unrelated circumstances. and He has given me peace, which i believe only comes from Him.
you see, i thought i had a problem that i needed to fix. and the reality is, i do have a problem and i will be working toward solutions of that issue. however, i had gotten all wrapped up in fixing my problem and in trying to be a team player, that i had forgotten what God had called me to do over 10 years ago. i had become so fixated on the current music and dance, that i have been ignoring the reason He called me out in the first place and the desire He placed on my heart. i don't think i've been disobedient, but i had swerved off the course He laid out for me years ago. in the rush of the dancefloor i had turned a deaf ear to what He wanted for me.
so, after much prayer, putting pencil to paper, crunching numbers, reviewing schedules and trying to figure it all out. it comes back to this. THERE IS PEACE WHEN YOU WALK IN STEP WITH GOD! now isn't that a mind-blowing statement? duh!
after some toying around with the idea for some time now, a few weeks ago i took steps to see if i could return to school. and within a few days of that inquiry, i got the approval. and then, as i looked for affirmation and confirmation from those around me - the support has been there - which speaks to me of a church that wants to honor what God is doing and give me the time to make that investment. today i made the call and enrolled in classes for the spring.
now if you're sitting there reading this and thinking - what a great thing! she's got it made! you can simply put the notion that this is an easy thing right out of your mind. actually, some would think that i'm out of my mind for doing this. but you should know that i don't know how i'm going to pay for it - but God knows. i don't know how i'm going to manage work/ministry and school - but God knows. i can't imagine the crisis and issues that will come up during this time that will fight for my mind, emotion and energy - but God knows. the flip side - i have no idea what i will learn about God through my studies - but God knows. i can't begin to imagine the people i will encounter in class - but God knows. i can't even begin to fathom how having this degree will make a difference - but God knows. you see, i firmly believe that walking in faith doesn't make you stupid because you don't know what is going to happen and you blindly follow and change your life on a whim. walking in faith means that i've given myself over to God and i'm trusting completely, entirely and fully on Him to guide me and sustain me through the next 18 months. life will be different - it must. there will be sacrifices in time, money and sleep - it must happen.
my prayer is this - that i won't take this opportunity for granted. i want to draw closer to my Lord and Savior, not just have greater knowledge of Him. i don't want to waste time - like i've done in the past. i don't want to take people for granted - i want to be in relationship with others who share a heart for God's kingdom.
how am i feeling now that i've gotten your attention (the question is really, how am i feeling now that God has gotten MY attention). well, i'm a little scared, a little excited and a little anxious. but overall - there is peace and that is not just a feeling. that is a reality.
will i be a little crazy in the future? yes. will i have some incredible things to share? yes. will i be challenged to move out of my comfort zone? yes. do i have any idea what is about to happen? no.
okay, now back to the music and dancing for the Lord!
Friday, October 20, 2006
music from another room
there it is again! did you hear it? listen. stop. listen more. music - coming from another room. walk towards the music. stop. listen. question. listen. stop. listen. decide. listen. walk in. listen.
i keep getting a sense of the music from another room being "change" that word - change continues to run through my mind like the Jumanji drums called to little Alan. is it time for change? do i need to change? i will admit i get excited about change. so my first thought is to run toward that other room and run right in. then i think about what i would leave behind and that's when i stop and listen. i should be listening to God every step of the way. but sometimes my selfish little self just runs ahead.
what kind of change is on the horizon for me God? i think i've become a little complacent (a.k.a. lazy) and need to go to boot camp to get myself ready for this change. will the faster pace of the music make me more effective? possibly. will being in the other room give me a better idea of 'real life on the outside' so as to change my perspective of the people in this room? maybe. if i go into the other room, will i still have a place in this room? i hope so. my heart beats for His glory and my mind races for the people of this room. is this a me thing or a God thing? i think that is the question i must keep in mind. i don't want to even walk one more step toward that other room if it is not His desire. what if all the options are all good? how does one decide what to do?
so. i sit and wait and listen to the music from another room. may i hear His voice above all the noise so that i indeed know when to walk toward the other room and step across the threshold of that door. i simply want God to be glorified.
Lord, I pray that the change you've been orchestrating will be very clear to me. I want to be willing to do what will be best for your kingdom and your people. You are in control and I am here to listen and respond. Help me know when it is time to change and what to do.
i keep getting a sense of the music from another room being "change" that word - change continues to run through my mind like the Jumanji drums called to little Alan. is it time for change? do i need to change? i will admit i get excited about change. so my first thought is to run toward that other room and run right in. then i think about what i would leave behind and that's when i stop and listen. i should be listening to God every step of the way. but sometimes my selfish little self just runs ahead.
what kind of change is on the horizon for me God? i think i've become a little complacent (a.k.a. lazy) and need to go to boot camp to get myself ready for this change. will the faster pace of the music make me more effective? possibly. will being in the other room give me a better idea of 'real life on the outside' so as to change my perspective of the people in this room? maybe. if i go into the other room, will i still have a place in this room? i hope so. my heart beats for His glory and my mind races for the people of this room. is this a me thing or a God thing? i think that is the question i must keep in mind. i don't want to even walk one more step toward that other room if it is not His desire. what if all the options are all good? how does one decide what to do?
so. i sit and wait and listen to the music from another room. may i hear His voice above all the noise so that i indeed know when to walk toward the other room and step across the threshold of that door. i simply want God to be glorified.
Lord, I pray that the change you've been orchestrating will be very clear to me. I want to be willing to do what will be best for your kingdom and your people. You are in control and I am here to listen and respond. Help me know when it is time to change and what to do.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
anyone thirsty?
there comes a time in every girl's life when she must stop dancing, get off the dancefloor and get a drink. the other day i did just that.
i simply stopped working for a moment, left the office and took a little road trip with a friend. our first stop....starbucks, of course. well, we had trouble finding it - imagine that - in this big world with a starbucks on every corner, we couldn't find one. but our incredible desire for coffee and her amazing ability to sniff out a starbucks, we found ourselves in a kroger to fill our thirsty void. and there it was. big as day. right/write on their board. pumpkin spice latte.
let me say that again. PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE. have you heard of it? have you had it? when i saw the announcement of it on the starbucks board i almost wet my pants. i felt a great need to put away the flip-flops, pull out the sweaters, and go buy a turkey. it was as if the great coffee maker was telling me....fall is coming - fall is coming - fall is coming. guess what - fall is here. so i drank. oh it was so very tasty.
now it may not feel very much like fall (on a rare day it might)here in south texas. but i will take heart knowing that fall is here. change is coming. the long, hot, tired days of summer are over. now is the time to sit for a moment outside, enjoy a slightly cooler temperature and watch the leaves change color (if they even do that here) but more than that. on my "IT'S MY VERY FIRST PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE OF THE SEASON" day, God reminded me that change is good. i need to be purposeful in slowing down and enjoying the season - the one i'm in, the one i've just come from and the one he's prepared for me. it was by no accident that God provided a sweet blessing in the form of coffee. He's like that - ever so thoughtful of what i would enjoy. oh that i would always remember that He knows me - what i need and what will bless me.
so. in those rare moments when i get off the dance floor. in those times that i attempt to quench my thirst. every time this fall that i slowly sip and then proceed to lick the sides of the cup of the a most enjoyable starbuck's pumpkin spice latte, i'll be reminded that my Creator is preparing another season for me. i will enjoy the season i'm in (pumpkin spice latte) and look forward to the next (could it be something with mint?).
pumpkin spice latte
mmmm - tasty.
Taste and see that the Lord is good!
mmmm - tastier.
i simply stopped working for a moment, left the office and took a little road trip with a friend. our first stop....starbucks, of course. well, we had trouble finding it - imagine that - in this big world with a starbucks on every corner, we couldn't find one. but our incredible desire for coffee and her amazing ability to sniff out a starbucks, we found ourselves in a kroger to fill our thirsty void. and there it was. big as day. right/write on their board. pumpkin spice latte.
let me say that again. PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE. have you heard of it? have you had it? when i saw the announcement of it on the starbucks board i almost wet my pants. i felt a great need to put away the flip-flops, pull out the sweaters, and go buy a turkey. it was as if the great coffee maker was telling me....fall is coming - fall is coming - fall is coming. guess what - fall is here. so i drank. oh it was so very tasty.
now it may not feel very much like fall (on a rare day it might)here in south texas. but i will take heart knowing that fall is here. change is coming. the long, hot, tired days of summer are over. now is the time to sit for a moment outside, enjoy a slightly cooler temperature and watch the leaves change color (if they even do that here) but more than that. on my "IT'S MY VERY FIRST PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE OF THE SEASON" day, God reminded me that change is good. i need to be purposeful in slowing down and enjoying the season - the one i'm in, the one i've just come from and the one he's prepared for me. it was by no accident that God provided a sweet blessing in the form of coffee. He's like that - ever so thoughtful of what i would enjoy. oh that i would always remember that He knows me - what i need and what will bless me.
so. in those rare moments when i get off the dance floor. in those times that i attempt to quench my thirst. every time this fall that i slowly sip and then proceed to lick the sides of the cup of the a most enjoyable starbuck's pumpkin spice latte, i'll be reminded that my Creator is preparing another season for me. i will enjoy the season i'm in (pumpkin spice latte) and look forward to the next (could it be something with mint?).
pumpkin spice latte
mmmm - tasty.
Taste and see that the Lord is good!
mmmm - tastier.
Monday, September 11, 2006
clear the dance floor
when did the dance floor become so crowded? when did the 'stuff' start taking over my life....crippling me, frustrating me, getting in the way? what is exactly is all this stuff and why do i think i need it?
it's not that i want an empty dance floor. actually some of the stuff is very useful. but i think i've allowed it to take over my dependence upon Him. would i be able to walk away, if needed? would i be willing to lose it, if asked? would i give it all up in exchange for a much simpler life? i don't know the answers to those questions right now.....because i am smack dab in the middle of all this stuff.
so my prayer is this: Dear God, please grant me simplicity! i need the ability to say no and stop buying stuff. i need the desire to live with what is necessary and not think that i need everything. i want my life to truly be a reflection of the beautiful creation you are making me. but right now....i can't see that because of all the stuff.
and while i'm clearing things that are visible - i want to make sure that i'm being purified and cleaned on the inside: my heart, mind and soul.
it is not going to be easy to change my ways. it will take a lot of time to sort through everything. i'll need courage to allow the things that have been hidden for so long to come to the surface. but i know that it will be worth it. so that i can dance freely for His glory.
what is in the way of you being free to dance?
it's not that i want an empty dance floor. actually some of the stuff is very useful. but i think i've allowed it to take over my dependence upon Him. would i be able to walk away, if needed? would i be willing to lose it, if asked? would i give it all up in exchange for a much simpler life? i don't know the answers to those questions right now.....because i am smack dab in the middle of all this stuff.
so my prayer is this: Dear God, please grant me simplicity! i need the ability to say no and stop buying stuff. i need the desire to live with what is necessary and not think that i need everything. i want my life to truly be a reflection of the beautiful creation you are making me. but right now....i can't see that because of all the stuff.
and while i'm clearing things that are visible - i want to make sure that i'm being purified and cleaned on the inside: my heart, mind and soul.
it is not going to be easy to change my ways. it will take a lot of time to sort through everything. i'll need courage to allow the things that have been hidden for so long to come to the surface. but i know that it will be worth it. so that i can dance freely for His glory.
what is in the way of you being free to dance?
Saturday, September 09, 2006
changing partners
square-dance, anyone? seems kind of old-fashioned, but i've had the image of square dancing in mind lately.
in square-dancing there are actual dance moves that the dancers know will happen and usually know in what order. but there is a 'caller' - you know, the guy who calls out amusing little phrases that then tells the dancers what to do (even though they already know what to do).
so, here's my thought - if we all in this dance of life, and the way i see it, God is the music maker/dj/square dance caller....shouldn't we know what dance move to make when we he calls it out? hmmmmmmm my observation of a recent situation has caused me to think hard and deep about it. and all i do is say 'hmmmmmm' could it be that we haven't been 'practicing' enough - being in His Word, so that we understand what He wants us to do when He tells us? why do we think and pray and hope for God to answer and make a situation all clear, when all along, He has made it clear.
i don't think i know it all. i know i haven't even read it all. but why do i continue to want to dance through life and think it fathomable that my God, my Savior, the lover of my soul would want me to get on the dancefloor and dance for His glory without having the benefit of understanding Him as revealed through His word?
oh to be able to just sit and drink in His word. oh that the parties of life would stop for a while so that i might regain a passion that only His Word can fill. oh that i would respond and react when my 'caller' comes calling. oh for the glory of His name.
get back on the dancefloor and listen for His call.
in square-dancing there are actual dance moves that the dancers know will happen and usually know in what order. but there is a 'caller' - you know, the guy who calls out amusing little phrases that then tells the dancers what to do (even though they already know what to do).
so, here's my thought - if we all in this dance of life, and the way i see it, God is the music maker/dj/square dance caller....shouldn't we know what dance move to make when we he calls it out? hmmmmmmm my observation of a recent situation has caused me to think hard and deep about it. and all i do is say 'hmmmmmm' could it be that we haven't been 'practicing' enough - being in His Word, so that we understand what He wants us to do when He tells us? why do we think and pray and hope for God to answer and make a situation all clear, when all along, He has made it clear.
i don't think i know it all. i know i haven't even read it all. but why do i continue to want to dance through life and think it fathomable that my God, my Savior, the lover of my soul would want me to get on the dancefloor and dance for His glory without having the benefit of understanding Him as revealed through His word?
oh to be able to just sit and drink in His word. oh that the parties of life would stop for a while so that i might regain a passion that only His Word can fill. oh that i would respond and react when my 'caller' comes calling. oh for the glory of His name.
get back on the dancefloor and listen for His call.
Monday, July 03, 2006
change
a while back i said the music was about to change. that day has come. praise God! hallelujah! sunday. there was laughter. joy. tears. hugs. sighs. prayers. encouraging words. family. new friends. reminders of God's amazing provision.
the entire family came together to celebrate and dance. some weren't sure how to handle the change. some are concerned that things were done all wrong to bring the change about. i trust that GOD - who is control of EVERYTHING (yes, i said GOD IS IN CONTROL OF ALL THINGS)spoke to us to make the changes and we have made them in accordance with His Spirit.
on sunday the dance was beautiful. it was incredible to see all the people who have remained faithful to the father and to a body of believers come together to dance. it was a different kind of dance. what a relief to walk to the dance floor without any hesitation. even when we are uncertain of what will be required of us as the music changes.
sunday was also sad. bittersweet. it was sad to think of people who have left the family. it brought about all the heartache and pain we've endured the past 18 months. it made me question what has changed the most.....the structure of the family or the heart of the individuals in the family. i'm likely to say that we've all changed. it was a reminder to stay faithful to God's words. it was humbling.
sunday brought an excitement. it was one of those family moments that we will look back on with fond memories for years to come and say "remember when we....". the family served each other. the family held each other. the family spoke gentle words of affirmation. we danced together like never before.
if i had left the dance a year ago, i would have missed that incredible moment. thank you God for speaking clearly to me in the midst of chaos. for calming my fears. for reminding me why i'm on the dancefloor.
at the end of the day i was tired, exhausted, drained. i wanted to sleep and rest and recharge for the next dance. but how lucky i was to be able to spend time with a dear friend simply enjoying the little moments of the day. tea.movie.walmart (a divine trinity) thank you God for providing just what i need.
change has come. change will continue to come. we are called to continually be changing - to be conformed to his likeness. like you sent the rain at just the right time lord. bring change according to your will. change. who thought i'd ever look forward to it? thank you God for changing me. may i continue to be changed by YOU.
the entire family came together to celebrate and dance. some weren't sure how to handle the change. some are concerned that things were done all wrong to bring the change about. i trust that GOD - who is control of EVERYTHING (yes, i said GOD IS IN CONTROL OF ALL THINGS)spoke to us to make the changes and we have made them in accordance with His Spirit.
on sunday the dance was beautiful. it was incredible to see all the people who have remained faithful to the father and to a body of believers come together to dance. it was a different kind of dance. what a relief to walk to the dance floor without any hesitation. even when we are uncertain of what will be required of us as the music changes.
sunday was also sad. bittersweet. it was sad to think of people who have left the family. it brought about all the heartache and pain we've endured the past 18 months. it made me question what has changed the most.....the structure of the family or the heart of the individuals in the family. i'm likely to say that we've all changed. it was a reminder to stay faithful to God's words. it was humbling.
sunday brought an excitement. it was one of those family moments that we will look back on with fond memories for years to come and say "remember when we....". the family served each other. the family held each other. the family spoke gentle words of affirmation. we danced together like never before.
if i had left the dance a year ago, i would have missed that incredible moment. thank you God for speaking clearly to me in the midst of chaos. for calming my fears. for reminding me why i'm on the dancefloor.
at the end of the day i was tired, exhausted, drained. i wanted to sleep and rest and recharge for the next dance. but how lucky i was to be able to spend time with a dear friend simply enjoying the little moments of the day. tea.movie.walmart (a divine trinity) thank you God for providing just what i need.
change has come. change will continue to come. we are called to continually be changing - to be conformed to his likeness. like you sent the rain at just the right time lord. bring change according to your will. change. who thought i'd ever look forward to it? thank you God for changing me. may i continue to be changed by YOU.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
